A Thousand Souls
A Thousand Souls is a s3 special of the series Cult of Squid Story The episode begins with a Patchy's Pick segment. Patchy, wearing the clothes of a cult member, opens the door and informs the viewers that he's preparing for a new CoS special. Noseward and Security are reorganizing a storage closet when green smoke fills the room and a comically large anchor falls through the ceiling. Noseward freaks out and then the Feathered Friends come down on the chains with guns. Security pulls out a plastic pirate sword to defend himself, and then the Flying Dutchman emerges. The Flying Dutchman tells them he’s here to make them realize the magnitude of the damage caused by the cult, and captures them. He brings them to the ship, where they see the Feathered Friends with their loaded guns. The Dutchman and the souls of the people the cult killed kidnaps them and puts them in a cage. While locked up in the cage, Security feels bad about all the people the cult killed, but Noseward tells him to shut up when a bunch of the people they killed show up to get revenge. Then it is revealed that the Feathered Friends helped the Dutchman in his plan. The Dutchman poofs the cage above a boiling pot of lava and it slowly lowers. Noseward, Security, and the Initiator all have ideas at once. They argue about who should present their idea and they Security plays a game of eeny meeny miny mo to decide. Noseward's plan: they bribe Spongebob and the FF Security's plan: they all rattle and swing the cage until it breaks and lands safely next to the pot of lava. Initiator's plan: they try to decide what Brother Squidward would do in this situation. Patchy announces a vote deciding who gets to present their idea. Script Frenchy: We now come live from Encino, California, where president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate is awaiting a new Cult of Squid special. Patchy: Thanks Frenchy, that was helpful. Yes lassies, we’re going to be watching the new, possibly DARKEST Cult special ever! Lassies: YAY! Patchy: I’ve been preparing for so long, it’s been hinted at for a while now! Lassies: YAY! Patchy: Now if I could just find the remo- (Patchy sees Potty about to drop the remote down the garbage disposal) Patchy: POTTY NO! Potty: Hah suck it old man! (Potty drops the remote jokingly but it doesn’t go into the disposal) Patchy: NOOOOOOOO! (The special starts with Noseward and Security reorganizing a storage closet) Security: You sure this place isn’t haunted? Noseward: Oh come on. Why would a place that was kept as a secret room where somebody died that we’re now using as a storage closet be haunted? Security: (gulp) no clue Brother Noseward. Noseward: Here now lift me up onto the loft I need to get a box. (Green smoke starts filling the room) Security: what is this smoke?! I’m going to die here! Noseward: Oh calm down the vents broke down a couple days ago you know that! Security: Oh right. (An anchor falls through the ceiling and crushes Security’s foot) Security: OW! HOLY (dolphin noises) Noseward: Oh get over it. It couldn't have hurt that bad- (The anchor swings and hits Noseward in the face) Noseward: SON OF A (dolphin noise) Initiator: (walks in) WHAT'S WITH ALL THE NOISE? I CAN'T WORK WITH ALL- (notices anchor) oh. (The Feathered Friends come down with loaded guns) Noseward: Oh crap! (Jumps backwards into shelf) SpongeBob: Hey guys, you’re coming with us. Security; I PHYSICALLY CAN’T! Spongebob: oh. Uh, just a second. (Security grabs a plastic knife to defend himself) Security: STAY BACK! I’M WARNING YOU! (Security, Noseward, and Initiator along with the Feathered Friends get teleported onto the Flyin’ Dutchman’s ship) The Flying Dutchman: Ahahahahaha! Welcome aboard me ship gentlemen! You guys are in SO MUCH TROUBLE! (Angry while smiling) Noseward: Hello sir, I have multiple lawyers who I’m forcing to work for me! So back off! The Flying Dutchman: I don’t like your tone boy. (Snaps his fingers and Noseward gets cast into a portal) Security: Hi I’m just security. The Flying Dutchman: And how did you come to work for these horrible, horrible, evil squids? Security: A bottle of scotch and $69,000 a year. The Flying Dutchman: Alright. Well, I’m here to let you and your friend (Noseward drops from the sky) about the magnitude of the damage you caused! Noseward: (stupid voice) What damage? (The Feathered Friends show up) Plankton: You know what damage. Noseward: (stupider voice) oH yEaH tHaT dAmAgE sOrRy. The Flying Dutchman: Well boys, today’s your lucky day! I gathered ONE THOUSAND SOULS OF THE PEOPLE YOU RUTHLESSLY MURDERED TO CONQUER THE OCEAN! Noseward: Ah piss. The Flying Dutchman: And believe me when I say they were all MORE than willing to kill you! (The Flying Dutchman snaps his fingers and Security and Noseward get locked inside of a giant cage with SpongeBob standing guard) Security: I feel bad about all the people we killed Noseward, they were just reg- Noseward: Shut up! (One thousand ghosts appear around the cage; the first one to step forwards is Mr. Krabs) Mr. Krabs: Hello Noseward and Security. Remember me? Squidward had me killed. Noseward: (nervously) yeah, Squidward, not us! We were, um, people! Security: hold on, when did he kill YOU? Mr. Krabs: i don't want to talk about it right now. Enough laddies. The Flying Dutchman offered us revenge against the cult! Security: And um would that revenge happen to be killing us, two very high ranking cult members? Initiator: and one ultra rank. Mr. Krabs: No. (Mr. Krabs vanishes and a blue fish comes up) Blue Fish: We’ll destroy the cult, Noseward. Noseward: SECURITY THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! Security: WHAT?! HOW?! Noseward: You were whining about how the storage closet was haunted and now look at where we are! Security: OH MY GOD IT IS MY FAULT! Initiator: hey, i have no part in this, i just walked by. Noseward: See? Blue Fish: Hey shut up! I WANT TO BE THREATENING! Noseward: who are you? (The fish disappears out of anger and Fred steps up) Fred: MY LEG! Is completely gone and I’m dead thanks to you guys! Security: (sobbing) I’m so sorry if there’s anything I can d- Noseward: Oh shut up don’t feel bad. Fred: Well Noseward, let it be known that YOU DIE FIRST. Noseward: Are you trying to sound sc- (Fred appears in the cage and starts choking Noseward) Noseward: (gasping) it was just a prank bro. Fred: I was told not to kill you unfortunately. The next guy however, he might break the rules. (Fred vanishes and Mrs. Puff appears) Security: oh no. we’re (dolphin noises) Noseward, (dolphin noises) Noseward: What, you’re scared of her? Mrs. Puff: You should be. Noseward: News flash , ghosts don’t scare me. Mrs. Puff: That’s fine. Well boys, you really did it. Killed off millions of us to get what exactly? Security: Money! Noseward: Shut up. Ocean domination of course! Mrs. Puff: Yeah, but you could’ve done that a different way. Like you should’ve done it a different way because I’M GOING TO KILL YOU EXACTLY HOW YOU KILLED ME. Noseward: Oh please, you can’t do anything to us. Security: Brother Noseward I don’t mean to disrespect you or anything, but how stupid are you? Noseward: Yes. Mrs. Puff: Boys boys boys, I just remembered I can’t kill you. Security: Oh thank god Mrs. Puff: Either way, you’re still going to die. (Mrs. Puff vanishes and the Feathered Friends appear) Security: Oh hey guys! SpongeBob: Hel- Plankton: Hello there Cult members. Now as you know, you are going to die. Noseward: Wait isn’t this show supposed to be light hearted and funny? Patrick: What show? SpongeBob: Well I guess we have to have dark episodes considering the premise is mass genocide. Noseward: No! Plankton: Guys we need to keep it to four standing walls. (The Flying Dutchman appears) Flying Dutchman: Thanks for the help boys. Noseward: Wait they helped you? Flying Dutchman: Yes! they hate you as much as I do! (The Flying Dutchman snaps his fingers and the cage poofs above a boiling pot of lava, and the Initiator is randomly there) Initiator: Stop it you sil- Wait where am I? The Flying Dutchman: You’re being punished for your crimes against fishkind! Security: Long story. Initiator: We gotta get out of here. Noseward: wait! I have an idea! We maybe could bribe the feather freaks to get us out! Security: that would never work, you moron. What we could do is swing the cage and hope the rope breaks! Noseward: how is your plan any better? Initiator: if only we knew what brother Squidward would do in this situation. That's my idea. Security: fine! Let's settle this the old fashioned way. Patchy: with a vote, of course. That’s right, you the loyal fanbase will get to vote on who’s idea you want to see used to escape! Just vote for who’s idea you want to win, and that’ll be it! Who should have their plan picked? Noseward Initiator Security Category:Cult of Squid Category:Episodes Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Specials Category:Locknloaded23 Category:Episodes written by Locknloaded23